I WILL have a waist....really.

Last night at belly dancing class I found out that we will be doing a recital. Greeeaaattt. I didn't know whether to cry or be happy.

See I'm the heaviest in the class, and I am the "roundest" person in the class. Both don't do much for my self esteem, but I tell myself I'm doing something fun for me.But now I'm not (sort of). I've got to prepare myself for doing it in front of a crowd. (gosh that sounded um, bad... LOL).

Good thing I started on my diet plan last night, because after the sit ups-I vowed to have a waist line before May. But that was only after I thought of quitting. I don't know exactly why that popped into my mind. Did I feel that bad about myself and the whole situation? Was it because I was trying to move my body the way it needed to go and the fat got in the way?

Erg...I don't know.

But I know this, I'm not letting myself quit. I'm not going back to my quitting ways. I'm facing up to it and going strong, whether I have full confidence or not. By stiffness/soreness after every class proves that I'm doing things I've not done in awhile, and I'm not ready to give that up.

What made me really proud of myself yesterday was I identified a point when I was willing to eat through an emotion rather than feel it. I got home from dance semi-upset, and started to think I was "hungry", which seemed strange because I added ground flax seed to my morning oatmeal and barely felt hungry all day. (My GOSH that stays with you. SHEESH!) So I took my shower to think on it, and it was only after that and a quick tour of the Kitchen (nothing looked good) that I decided I was feeling edgy because of dancing, not actually being hungry. It's these little breakthroughs that make me feel hopeful for the future.

If I can't master feeling my emotions rather than eating them, I'll never stay a skinny gal once I get there. I now know that much about myself. Knowing your issues is half the battle, right?

Tonight I think I'll do some Yoga and stretch out all the muscles that are sore. I don't think I'll do the whole workout, maybe just some stretches with the Wii Fit. That way the little scale can yell at me. :) :)