Taking Steps

Each change comes at the end of lots and lots of baby steps. Each step leads me closer and closer to my goal-better health and less weight.

Now I'm not saying I've not gained weight during this holiday season, but I did just take a major step in learning to control it. I just bought a GoWear Fit tracker and I can't wait to use it. Hopefully this will give me some answers that I've been looking for a number of years. Two kids, gall bladder surgery, and being on and off birth control has done a number on my body....I don't even know if I know it anymore. I can't tell you how many times I've told my Husband and my Mother that I didn't understand why I ate what I did, exercised and still managed to gain or loose nothing!

I'll get to know my body very, very well. Almost too well. I'll have data coming out of my ears....LOL

I ended up getting the armband, display (so I can set reminder beeps for water, how many calories burned (and so on)), and I signed up for the 12 month commitment. I'm in this...really in this. I'm excited, I'm scared, and I'm ready to look at just how unhealthy my life is. No more rose colored glasses, pretending that everything is fine.

Now all I have to do is wait, and wait some more. Darn shipping. :)

Lets Try This Again Shall We?

Well here I am, a few days and a few dollars short. I had planned on catching up yesterday during a "snow day"....but I got sidetracked when I had to take our kitty to the vet. One kitty less, and a lot of tears later....I just couldn't blog.

No way, no how.

Sooooo lets catch up shall we?

Way back when, I quit blogging for a little while. I felt like I had it a wall and just couldn't get passed it. I even got so frustrated I took off my purty hot pink bracelet. Uh huh...I did. I felt it became this symbol of my failure. I knew I hadn't committed 110% to my getting healthy, and I became frustrated with it all.

Very, very frustrated.

What didn't help much, is that I went to the Dr for my womanly physical...and got "THE TALK". The gosh-your-height-and-weight-and-your-BMI-shouldn't-be-this-high kind of talk.

I had a BMI of 40.

It's not a number I'm proud of, and that didn't help the matter any. It was like the pile was getting higher, and higher, and higher.....so high you feel like you are buried/mired in everything and you either can't move or have no idea what your next step should be. And that's the real big part of what's bothering me right now. Figuring things out.

Starting tomorrow I'm starting with the basics. I'm going to be keeping a food journal and measuring out all my food. Then the next week I'm going to add exercising to those skills...and so on and so on. That way I can feel like I'm avoiding "doing it all at once" and getting so overwhelmed that I quit...again.

I'm beginning to think that my motto is "Fake It Until You Make It". I need to figure out what my problem is with me soon, before carrying around all this fat does something worse to my body than the wear and tear it's creating now.

This is rather "Gone With The Wind" Of Me But....

As God is my witness....

I WILL GET MY PERSONAL INNER LIFE TOGETHER DANG IT!

I need to grow a pair of iron balls and just go for it. Follow my dreams, and believe that I am worth it and not run away or crumble because something might be hard.

This is just another short note to say that family and everything is ok, the past few weeks of silence is because I was soul searching me. It doesn't help that I come back from vacation and work is nutzo either. I'm also in the process of helping out with the Holiday Shoppe, and that is crazy as well-but will all be over this weekend.

So look for me to post again Sunday-ish with explanations all around, I just didn't want you to think this was all because of something Serious, Serious. Know what I mean?

Miss you!