Stalking Never Seemed So....Fun

Since I put in my order for my bugg, I've been cyber stalking it. I'm thinking UPS hates me now for constantly reloading the tracking page, but who cares. It's been fun, (plus something to do in the after Holidays bust) and more importantly a lesson in something I don't generally have-patience. Each time it took UPS forever to update the status of it, I'd simply tell myself that the delivery date hadn't changed so calm down.

I really love this quote, and it makes me crack up every time I read it:

“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

This not only applies to waiting for my bugg, but also for my weight loss journey. I can't tell you how badly I want to strip my gears, but I know if I do that then things will be over before they start. Just like me walking for an hour every day. Know how long that lasted? 2 days. Why? Because it was too much, my body wasn't handling it very well. I'm all for feeling sore knowing that I've worked muscles that I've not worked very much in a long time....but this went well above that.
I have gotten started on setting up my bugg, and it looks like it's going to ask me to do 30 min a day, and that is VERY doable. Slow and steady, slow and steady. I can't tell you though, just how much I'm beginning to hate slow and steady. LOL!

The hardest part was figuring out a good target weight that would be in the healthy BMI range for my height. I ended up working on a good compromise, but we'll see. If I hit 150 first and am happy there, then screw the BMI. If I want to try to get to the target weight I've selected (which is 135) then great and the Dr will be a happy little camper.

My weight loss ticker is set in increments so that I don't get discouraged and it helps me focus on my goals easier. I've got it currently set to weight I was when I got married, so that I know just how far I have to go to be able to wear my wedding ring again. I want that ring back on my finger! It's way too pretty to be kept in my jewelery box. :)

Speaking of weight, I did my weigh in this morning...a day late but yesterday I was more focused on sleeping in than weighing in. My "starting" weight is what I weighed on Jan 1st, and in a little less than a week I'm down 3 pounds. I know most of that is truly water weight, but hey gift-horse-mouth....not looking. If all goes well I'll be wearing that hot pink bracelet again soon, and just how styln' would that be?

I WILL have a waist....really.

Last night at belly dancing class I found out that we will be doing a recital. Greeeaaattt. I didn't know whether to cry or be happy.

See I'm the heaviest in the class, and I am the "roundest" person in the class. Both don't do much for my self esteem, but I tell myself I'm doing something fun for me.But now I'm not (sort of). I've got to prepare myself for doing it in front of a crowd. (gosh that sounded um, bad... LOL).

Good thing I started on my diet plan last night, because after the sit ups-I vowed to have a waist line before May. But that was only after I thought of quitting. I don't know exactly why that popped into my mind. Did I feel that bad about myself and the whole situation? Was it because I was trying to move my body the way it needed to go and the fat got in the way?

Erg...I don't know.

But I know this, I'm not letting myself quit. I'm not going back to my quitting ways. I'm facing up to it and going strong, whether I have full confidence or not. By stiffness/soreness after every class proves that I'm doing things I've not done in awhile, and I'm not ready to give that up.

What made me really proud of myself yesterday was I identified a point when I was willing to eat through an emotion rather than feel it. I got home from dance semi-upset, and started to think I was "hungry", which seemed strange because I added ground flax seed to my morning oatmeal and barely felt hungry all day. (My GOSH that stays with you. SHEESH!) So I took my shower to think on it, and it was only after that and a quick tour of the Kitchen (nothing looked good) that I decided I was feeling edgy because of dancing, not actually being hungry. It's these little breakthroughs that make me feel hopeful for the future.

If I can't master feeling my emotions rather than eating them, I'll never stay a skinny gal once I get there. I now know that much about myself. Knowing your issues is half the battle, right?

Tonight I think I'll do some Yoga and stretch out all the muscles that are sore. I don't think I'll do the whole workout, maybe just some stretches with the Wii Fit. That way the little scale can yell at me. :) :)