The Week From Hell

Last week was almost literally the week from hell. We had to put a second animal to sleep in 6 weeks and it was very, very hard. Plus last weekend I got sick with a stomach virus that's making it a pain to eat. Food looks horrible to me at the moment. I suppose that's a good thing right? LOL

On top of that, I wore my bugg to my first belly dancing class and found out I burn MAD calories doing it. However the exercise wasn't kind to my body. I gained like 4 pounds in water weight the day after....because of that I think I'm switching my weigh in days to Monday morning that way whatever happens at belly dancing won't effect my weigh in.

This week I'm doing well. I'm down to almost 228, and while weight has been holding steady the inches I've lost has been HUGE! I can now wear my winter coat and a sweater that was tight around my hips and have room! I also am able to get to the 2nd notch in my belt. I know weight is not all about numbers, and I'm also beginning to get to a place of acceptance. Of how I was, of how I wish to be...and knowing I AM worth it. :)

Now I can't wait until I'm over being sick so that I can go work out again, but in the meantime it's nice not having to be so into things. I can sit back, journal my food and relax.

Back In Pink

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you wanted to do something but it kept being pushed away. Like blogging for example. Tuesday I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had made my 5 pound loss again and was sporting a uber-hot pink jelly bracelet. Updated my sats in the morning in prep for a post that never happened.

Not a problem, I'll just do it on Wed (then Thurs, then....)-I told myself.

Apparently this "bettering" your body stuff takes up a lot of free time. (Or is it just me? It is probably just me.) I'm pouring myself into looking over my weekly menu , making decisions of what I want to eat and how many calories I want to consume....I'm cramming in workouts during the most interesting times, and I must confess that at times it seems very overwhelming. I'm losing the life I once knew, and I'm having a bit of a time adjusting to the way my life has to be.

My calories have settled into about 1500 a day, and it doesn't seem like I vary much from that. A lot of that has to do with having to get my 1k calorie deficit at the end of the day to loose 2 pounds a week. Could I ease up on it? Yes, but right now that's not what my heart wants to do. I want it off, so I'm stuck on it as it were. I'm not going hungry by any means, and that's part of the problem. I'm so full, that eating more just makes me want to puke. I do notice that as my metabolism changes, I am getting more hungry in between meals, and am using snacks more often.

I'm also allowing myself to have a "free" day a week. That way I can ease up a bit on things and a day free of planning and worrying and.....

Week 1 on the bugg and it's done what it said it would do. I did loose 2 pounds the week I wore it, and I look forward to many more lost pounds and many more bracelets added to my wrist. :)

In Sync

After hitting refresh for the millionth time, Wed afternoon I finally got a piece of cheese (per se...LOL!). My bugg was delivered safe and sound and waiting for me to get home.

I got home, looked over my stuff and plugged it in to charge. 3 horribly long hours later, I strapped in on. (Boy that sounded bad huh?) I had one one problem, one HUGE problem, one problem that all my hopes and dreams were pinned on. I couldn't sync the damn thing to save my life.

Technology, isn't it wonderful?

Finally last night with the help of my wonderful husband, I got the armband to sync and got a look at my first day's worth of a data. I'll tell you one thing, this bugg is scarily accurate. I can't believe all the things it can track. I might be only on day 2, but so far I'm very happy with my purchase. Oh and even though I had no idea where I was with my calorie burn all day yesterday, I'm happy to say that I did it!

I love the ease of it. I eat, I know what I have to burn. It takes a way a lot of the ups and downs and makes me feel like I have complete control over my body and what's happening. How cool is that? I'm excited to see how many calories I burn during the weekend versus what I burn during the week, and I'm absolutely stoked at wearing it to Belly Dancing class too see just how many calories I burn during a session.

I did a check in weight this morning to see how I've done since my initial weight on Jan 1 and I'm down 4 pounds. I better start dusting off that hot pink bracelet...I'm gonna be needing it soon!

Tonight is movie night, and I'm very happy about it. I can't wait just to get into something comfy and veg out. I hope everyone has a good weekend and see you on Monday.

Stalking Never Seemed So....Fun

Since I put in my order for my bugg, I've been cyber stalking it. I'm thinking UPS hates me now for constantly reloading the tracking page, but who cares. It's been fun, (plus something to do in the after Holidays bust) and more importantly a lesson in something I don't generally have-patience. Each time it took UPS forever to update the status of it, I'd simply tell myself that the delivery date hadn't changed so calm down.

I really love this quote, and it makes me crack up every time I read it:

“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

This not only applies to waiting for my bugg, but also for my weight loss journey. I can't tell you how badly I want to strip my gears, but I know if I do that then things will be over before they start. Just like me walking for an hour every day. Know how long that lasted? 2 days. Why? Because it was too much, my body wasn't handling it very well. I'm all for feeling sore knowing that I've worked muscles that I've not worked very much in a long time....but this went well above that.
I have gotten started on setting up my bugg, and it looks like it's going to ask me to do 30 min a day, and that is VERY doable. Slow and steady, slow and steady. I can't tell you though, just how much I'm beginning to hate slow and steady. LOL!

The hardest part was figuring out a good target weight that would be in the healthy BMI range for my height. I ended up working on a good compromise, but we'll see. If I hit 150 first and am happy there, then screw the BMI. If I want to try to get to the target weight I've selected (which is 135) then great and the Dr will be a happy little camper.

My weight loss ticker is set in increments so that I don't get discouraged and it helps me focus on my goals easier. I've got it currently set to weight I was when I got married, so that I know just how far I have to go to be able to wear my wedding ring again. I want that ring back on my finger! It's way too pretty to be kept in my jewelery box. :)

Speaking of weight, I did my weigh in this morning...a day late but yesterday I was more focused on sleeping in than weighing in. My "starting" weight is what I weighed on Jan 1st, and in a little less than a week I'm down 3 pounds. I know most of that is truly water weight, but hey gift-horse-mouth....not looking. If all goes well I'll be wearing that hot pink bracelet again soon, and just how styln' would that be?

Taking Steps

Each change comes at the end of lots and lots of baby steps. Each step leads me closer and closer to my goal-better health and less weight.

Now I'm not saying I've not gained weight during this holiday season, but I did just take a major step in learning to control it. I just bought a GoWear Fit tracker and I can't wait to use it. Hopefully this will give me some answers that I've been looking for a number of years. Two kids, gall bladder surgery, and being on and off birth control has done a number on my body....I don't even know if I know it anymore. I can't tell you how many times I've told my Husband and my Mother that I didn't understand why I ate what I did, exercised and still managed to gain or loose nothing!

I'll get to know my body very, very well. Almost too well. I'll have data coming out of my ears....LOL

I ended up getting the armband, display (so I can set reminder beeps for water, how many calories burned (and so on)), and I signed up for the 12 month commitment. I'm in this...really in this. I'm excited, I'm scared, and I'm ready to look at just how unhealthy my life is. No more rose colored glasses, pretending that everything is fine.

Now all I have to do is wait, and wait some more. Darn shipping. :)

Lets Try This Again Shall We?

Well here I am, a few days and a few dollars short. I had planned on catching up yesterday during a "snow day"....but I got sidetracked when I had to take our kitty to the vet. One kitty less, and a lot of tears later....I just couldn't blog.

No way, no how.

Sooooo lets catch up shall we?

Way back when, I quit blogging for a little while. I felt like I had it a wall and just couldn't get passed it. I even got so frustrated I took off my purty hot pink bracelet. Uh huh...I did. I felt it became this symbol of my failure. I knew I hadn't committed 110% to my getting healthy, and I became frustrated with it all.

Very, very frustrated.

What didn't help much, is that I went to the Dr for my womanly physical...and got "THE TALK". The gosh-your-height-and-weight-and-your-BMI-shouldn't-be-this-high kind of talk.

I had a BMI of 40.

It's not a number I'm proud of, and that didn't help the matter any. It was like the pile was getting higher, and higher, and higher.....so high you feel like you are buried/mired in everything and you either can't move or have no idea what your next step should be. And that's the real big part of what's bothering me right now. Figuring things out.

Starting tomorrow I'm starting with the basics. I'm going to be keeping a food journal and measuring out all my food. Then the next week I'm going to add exercising to those skills...and so on and so on. That way I can feel like I'm avoiding "doing it all at once" and getting so overwhelmed that I quit...again.

I'm beginning to think that my motto is "Fake It Until You Make It". I need to figure out what my problem is with me soon, before carrying around all this fat does something worse to my body than the wear and tear it's creating now.

This is rather "Gone With The Wind" Of Me But....

As God is my witness....

I WILL GET MY PERSONAL INNER LIFE TOGETHER DANG IT!

I need to grow a pair of iron balls and just go for it. Follow my dreams, and believe that I am worth it and not run away or crumble because something might be hard.

This is just another short note to say that family and everything is ok, the past few weeks of silence is because I was soul searching me. It doesn't help that I come back from vacation and work is nutzo either. I'm also in the process of helping out with the Holiday Shoppe, and that is crazy as well-but will all be over this weekend.

So look for me to post again Sunday-ish with explanations all around, I just didn't want you to think this was all because of something Serious, Serious. Know what I mean?

Miss you!